Saturday, October 29, 2005

Eight weeks today and I will always be counting.Judah visited last night as we sang kiddush. The Sabbath candles flickered at Shalom Alechem. He loved that melody. The motzei was accompanied by a jingle in English, "We give thanks as our prayer is humble said..." This would annoy him no end. It became a family tease. We still sing it and see Judah cringe and express his disapproval of such a childish ditty. Such are the memories, complex, rich, textured.Judah loved satsuma tangerines, and we planted a tree last year which fruits by Sukkot. It's still young and small giving three or four dozen tangerines. It's a battle with the squirrels to see who is going to get to eat the fruit. If I pick them when they still are green, they are not so sweet, if I leave them to ripen, the squirrels (three of them) think its an open invitation to dine. I have tried to invite them to eat at my neighbors but they seem to prefer Kosher food.Pixie had to go on a post shiva diet. She got used to handouts of bagels, corned beef, and fresh fruit. Dog food does not appeal to her. Last night when we went for a walk, a car went by, she picked up her ears and started to look as if she was expecting someone. Since Alissa and Benji were inside I asked her "Judah?" she wagged her tail and then looked disappointed when the car continued on its way.We miss him so much.Love to you all,Martha

6 Comments:

At 6:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

just wanted to let you know i am still reading and still praying for you and your family to find solace and peace after such a challenging time.

love
cindy rosenberg

 
At 10:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We think of Judah much and miss him.
Everyman in London seems to be wearing Judah's hat......it seems to be the trendy hat this season.
thanks for keeping the blog.
much love Suzanne

 
At 7:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too wanted to tell you that I check and read this blog daily. I am touched with your willingness to share your feelings in so public a forum, but I will echo what so many have said already...having this space to share feelings and thoughts helps all of us deal with our feelings.

You are all in my thoghts-
Lisa Lainer

 
At 9:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the course of cleaning out my voice messages (I had more than 600 and was told they were threatening to crash our phone system), I came across one from 6 months ago from Judah inviting me for an impromptu poker party. It was both a blessing and a sharp pain to hear his wonderful voice with his youthful enthusiasm and humor so richly vibrant, and after smiling with the beauty of being back with him, the loss came, and I wept. A few days later I listened to it again, and had to stop. It was too painfully beautiful. But I will keep that message forever. God bless and be with you all.
Paul Freese & family

 
At 7:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As you know, on a daily basis I've been saying kaddish. Sometimes, I look up above the beema, to the left of the aron kodesh, and if I look hard enough, I can see the Mac's smiling face, reassuring me that prayer is good. What an inspiration to us all. Thanks Mac. --Joe

 
At 2:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

judah's number is still in my phone. i wish that i had a saved message from him, because it would be comforting- and devastating- to hear his voice again. i have called the cell number hoping that at least i'd hear the "this is dr. white...thank you much." i keep getting reminded that i will not hear the voice. i developed some photos that had been sitting in a box for a long long time. a few of the photos were double-exposed. half of those few photos were of my niece as a baby (she is now almost three) and in the other half of the frame was judah's face, but without his eyes. another reminder that many of us don't feel "closure" about this loss, that there are palpable things missing. i miss you judah...
tamar

 

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