It's not clear how many times the doctors can meet with us and give us "the talk." We've been summoned once again to discuss Judah's condition. To be fair, his numbers in the most vital respects, are getting worse. There is probably a finite limit to how much Judah's body can be supported by the medicines and the machinery and the people that have been helping him. Judah is fast approaching that limit.
Judah has continued to fight the skirmishes and battles that rage on inside. He has managed to bring his infections under control. He has overcome high fevers and low blood pressure. His achille's heel remains his lungs. For over a week, he has been kept on toxic concentrations of oxygen. His nephrologist explained today that the oxygen is producing scarring in his lungs which are preventing proper ventilation which is causing acidosis of the blood which is interfering with the blood pressure medications which are necessary in order to successfully dialyze him. As a result, dialysis is increasingly risky for Judah, and decreasingly helpful in removing the fluids that are accumulating. Additionally, Judah's blood vessels are leaking fluid which causes his skin to bloat. This confluence of phenomena is prompting the doctor/family meeting today.
If, God forbid, we are entering the final stages of Judah's life, everyone should know that Judah has no intention of giving up. He has made it clear that he wishes to battle his way through this illness regardless of the consequences. Even embarking on the stem cell transplant was an act of enormous courage. Judah knew then that the chances of a successfull outcome were very slim, and the potential for suffering through the procedure were very high. Judah has experienced all of the pains imaginable, yet he has chosen to continue. He is still undoubtedly fighting with the same spirit.
We can't control the outcome of all things, but we do choose how we face them. Judah's choices are his alone, and we can find much to celebrate in them. We are still hoping for a miracle, but we are grounded in the painful reality of his condition.